Becoming the observer.

For a whole year, i completely detoxificated myself from the things which i cared about the most. The first one was excessive videogaming, spending time googling 'how to become rich easily' , hanging out with friends in real life and in discord too. So this is bunch of teenage stuff. 

The time when i followed every action mentioned here, i knew this is all a waste time, energy and money but i couldn't control ofcourse how can a teenage brain restrict the need of dopamine, when adults fail to do so. I didn’t cut all these off by myself but conditions also helped me to get rid off these things, like the weak internet which created a barrier in my discord life, weak ram in phone also took offline gaming away from me. So one by one these things left me forever alone. 

I started using reddit to explore more knowledge, i developed a habit of reading litreary fiction, my visualization became so vivid i can actually feel im inside an environment of the book i'm reading and can actually see every action of the characters as of it is happening in front of my eyes. This was thrilling experience which i got from 3-4 months of reading. 

Writing blogs also was one of my habit but i also took a break from it. Nothing against writing but i just didn't feel so to do it. Now in my academics i found myself to be more focused and could sustain a boring lecture without getting bored.

 My brain was seeking challenges and wanted to be more and more perfect. I did well in some of the exams which was quite rare. But life was not as easy as it seemed, i too faced humiliation, guilt, regret, sadness, anger. All these emotions and feelings also powered up and came like an unexpected tsunami. 

The more excited i felt after my new transformation the more i got disappointed too. The more joy i felt, the more sadness i felt as well. Then i understood when there is achievement there is failure as well, when there is power, there is pain as well. You can't only get the nice things and ignore the rest. 

These emotions are directly proportional to each other if you feel 10 times of pride be ready to face 10 times of humiliation as well. I tried searching for a way to avoid getting the negative emotions a month passed, still no answers. I meditated increased my focus by practising a 'no thought method' in which you have to control and eliminate the thoughts which are coming endlessly one connecting the other and forming chain. 

You have to keep breaking the chain so a point comes when there is absolutely no thought in your mind, and you are just an empty vessel. Once on a sunny day a thought struck my head what if? What if i try to reduce the intensity of those good emotions and eventually i feel less bad emotions as well. What if i feel none of them and become a completely chilled character like kakashi from naruto, no matter what the condition infront of you is.

 Never let it control your internal equilibrium, and for that you have to restrict yourself from getting 'involved' in it. Its as simple as that somethings just don't require a reaction and your involvement in the matter. Just observe it without involving yourself into analysing it. Become the observer. Whose job is to only observe what is happening infront of you. 

Never be so mentally weak that outside circumstances hamper your behavior, actions and thinking. Thats all, it doesn't mean you have to always be in neutral mode only activate it to achieve stability just like the neutral gear in the car. Whenever you feel that you internal equilibrium is disturbed switch into the neutral gear and become the observer.